Getting Engaged to a German: Part 1 of German Weddings

Getting engaged to a German is the first of a four part post on German Weddings.  Getting engaged to a German holds different significance in Germany than it does in North America.  In North America, getting engaged is a big deal, in Germany not so much (although the German wedding is a big deal of course).  We first came across this when dealing with German Immigration.  We asked if there was an Engagement Visa as there is in the U.S., but there's no such thing in Germany.  Either you're married or you're not and we were not.


The other difference is that Germans generally don't have engagement rings.  Earlier when the couple is dating, the guy may have given the girl a promise ring, (a much smaller ring than a typical engagement ring) but when he asks her to marry him, there will likely be no engagement ring.  This is different than in North America and sparked some interesting discussions between J.P. and myself.  This past year he wanted to buy me a promise ring for Christmas.  I really didn't want a promise ring as I don't wear much jewellery and thought we would be getting engaged soon and that an engagement ring would be enough.  At first, he took offense to this, saying a German girl would be thrilled to get a promise ring.  I pointed out the fact that I'm Canadian, not German and that promise rings weren't very popular with the 30 something crowd in Canada. He relented. 

Initially he wasn't so sure that I "needed" an engagement ring since we would be living in Germany where engagement rings are not common, but when he saw that all my friends  did indeed have engagement rings along with their wedding bands, he realized that this was indeed a common thing in Canada.  And as I  pointed out that even though we would be living in Germany, I would still be very much a Canadian.   He seemed to understand this logic and I am now happily wearing a sparkly engagement ring.

J.P. was true to his word though, when I arrived in Germany, I was busy checking everyone's fingers for engagement rings, and he was right, they are not popular here at all.  He said that most Germans wouldn't  assume my ring was an engagement ring, since they're not common.   Regardless of whether anyone but the two of us knows what the ring represents, I'm happy that this is one Canadian custom we adopted for our own German wedding next year. What has been your experience with German engagements?

See also:
German Wedding Ceremony.  Part 2 of German Weddings
German Weddings, the Reception and Dance.  Part 3 of German Weddings
German Wedding Gifts:  Part 4 of German Weddings